


Wanderlust

by lordclover



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-31
Updated: 2020-01-12
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:47:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22041289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lordclover/pseuds/lordclover
Summary: Lars spent months in space, charting the stars as a captain. He led his crew of off color gems throughout the galaxy, thwarting the diamonds' gems at every step. They survived the impossible, made daring escapes, and lived to tell the tale. They'd done all of this to find Earth and safety. By the time they made it, everything had changed. Beach City had changed, the diamonds had changed, they had changed. Lars is surprised to find that returning to Earth was easy... living on it was the hard part.
Relationships: Lars Barriga & Off Colors, Lars Barriga & Sadie Miller, Lars Barriga & Steven Universe, Lars Barriga/Sadie Miller
Comments: 9
Kudos: 33





	1. Lars of Beach City

He had been dreaming of Earth for months. He had begun to forget what the sun felt like on his back, forgotten the sound of seagulls cawing, the smell of salt hanging in the air… he thought he’d missed it.

Yet as he stood before the beach, he felt strangely empty. He should be he happy, yet he wasn’t. He didn’t feel anything.

The sun warmed him, the sounds of seagulls surrounded him, and the smell of salt washed in with the waves. It felt familiar, but not in the way he wanted. It was supposed to reassure him, reaffirm this was what he wanted. He wanted to be home, he knew that, but why didn’t it feel like it?

It made him unreasonably angry, it felt as if his mind was filled with angry bees buzzing loudly. _This_ was his home. Beach City was where he was born, where his parents were, his friends, Sadie was. He was supposed to happy. He’d spent months plotting maps to find his way home, months storming gem strongholds, months searching for home. He’d found it… didn’t he?

Lars had walked out to the beach every morning since returning. He left before either of his parents woke up, partially to avoid seeing them and hearing their questions, but mostly to take a moment to himself. This early there was no one out, Beach City was calm. It was a short window and a hard one to find, it seemed like everyone was busy these days.

He watched as the ocean lapped at the shore, revealing a few shells. He was sat down not far from the water, close enough that as the water reached out it touched his toes. The water was cold, the morning air equally as cool. Later it would be unbearably hot, causing sweat to bead across him. He really hated how hot it got, he liked wearing coats but the weather of Beach City didn't pair with it well. He'd grown to used to the coldness of space. He could wear gloves, long sleeves, boots, and a jacket without feeling overheated. Now he couldn't wear a jacket unless it was the evening.

He sighed, running a hand through his hair. He stared at the palm of his hand for a moment. In the dawn light, his skin looked nearly normal. As he studied it, it became clearer the true nature of it. He was pink. He didn’t hate it anymore, but it was a constant reminder of how much had changed. He wasn’t the same person anymore. Some part of him had died in space and another was born. Lars was trying to be someone he wasn’t. He was stuck in limbo, not quite Beach City Lars, but not Captain Lars either. All of the off colors were in Little Homeschool, leaving him on his own.

His phone buzzed in the sand and he glanced down to see a familiar name flash across the screen.

Sadie.

A slow smile crossed his face as he reached down for his phone. He scooped it up and unlocked it. He’d kept his phone throughout his entire journey, finding some strange solace going through his old text messages. Of course, that was about all he could do with it. Look through his photos, texts… look at his old life. Steven brought him a charger for it, but… after a while Lars had let the battery die. At first it was because of how depressing it was for him, but that changed. Eventually it became a memento of someone he wasn’t anymore. When he’d landed on Earth, his phone was still dead. He hadn’t expected it to boot up again, not after it’d been abandoned for so long. Yet faithfully, it’s screen lit up to greet him. His parents had bought him a new phone since he’d cracked it, but he couldn’t even open it. He’d always had a strained relationship with his parents, but… this was hard. He couldn’t find any words to talk to them, anything to say. He didn’t know them anymore and they didn’t know him. There was a void that had grown steadily throughout the years that had become a cavern while he was away.

Lars wanted to be better. He wanted to be himself, but better. Yet he couldn’t even figure out how to be himself, how could he be better too-

His phone buzzed again and Lars blinked. He stared down at the screen as Sadie’s text crossed it.

**Sadie Killer: you awake?**

Lars hesitated a moment before typing out a quick response.

**I don’t need to sleep anymore**

He didn’t need to do a lot of things anymore.

He watched as Sadie’s text bubble reappeared before disappearing again. His smile fell. He didn’t even know how to talk to Sadie anymore. Their only contact had been letters and Steven for months, but somehow now talking was even harder. He wanted to apologize to her, but couldn’t force the words. They barely saw each other, before they’d been forced to spend time together at the Big Donut. Now without an excuse, they were forced to reach out and plan to meet up. They’d done well for a while, but slowly their meetings had grown distant.

Lars grimaced and typed back.

**Why are you still up?**

Instantly Sadie began to type, reaffirming to him she hadn’t known what to say. He wondered if she was at her house, if she’d been up for hours or if she’d just woken up.

**Sadie Killer: my mom woke me up on her way out, she can be loud**

Lars considered this. Her mom worked for the post office, it made sense she’d leave this early in the morning.

**Sadie Killer: still watching the stars?**

A smile ghosted his lips.

**Yeah, nearly gone now**

**Sadie Killer: still there, captain**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so I watched Little Graduation recently and it really hit on a few topics I've been thinking about since the announcement of Future but didn't flesh them out at all  
> it's always been super disappointing to me that Lars got back to Earth and that was the end of his arc, that we missed his entire transition back bc that had to be hard and man i love that him and sadie don't stay together bc it makes sense and the moment they were 'canon' i thought they'd changed to much  
> but so this is going to be my take on what happened between episodes! how lars struggled with returning, how he got his bakery, and eventually his decision to return to the stars  
> this first chapter is pretty short bc i just kinda wanted to see if anyone would be interesting in reading this if i invested more time into it  
> i hope you guys like it! let me know what you guys think c:


	2. Returning Home

Lars struggled keeping track of time. He was all too aware of time passing before he’d gone to space, it felt like a burden. Now, he barely noticed it. His natural indicators were gone, he no longer felt hungry or tired, and after months in space he was used to long periods of time doing nothing. As he sat on the beach, somehow he barely noticed the sun inching up across the horizon. It wasn’t until it was shining bright over the ocean’s waves that he finally realized how long it had been.

He looked back to his phone and saw three missed calls and two texts. The calls were from his parents, the texts from Sadie and Steven. He opened his phone to find three voicemails accompanying the calls. With a grimace, Lars listened to each one. His parents sounded nervous, his mother talking quietly but with a strange frantic tone. The first told him breakfast was ready, the second said to come home whenever, the third asked if he was ok.

He sighed in frustration, irritation washing over him. He couldn’t blame his parents for their worry and concern when he left, he never told them where he was going or when he’d be back. He hadn’t done it before he’d gotten trapped in space, and he didn’t do it now either. Some part of him wanted to reassure them and start telling them when he’d leave, but he knew that wouldn’t last. He was bad at keeping track of time, if he was late he’d worry them more. He’d already been kidnapped and killed, what was the worst that could happen to him?

He smiled bitterly. If he said that aloud to anyone, they’d worry. He’d always had a gallows humor, but it’d gotten worse since he’d actually died. It was funny to him, but terrifying to his parents. He remembered their looks when he’d finally returned home. He’d walked in and they stared at him like he was a ghost. Maybe he was. Steven kept saying he wasn’t a zombie, but Lars wasn’t sure what he was anymore. He wasn’t human. He wasn’t alive, but he wasn’t dead.

His phone began to ring again and he finally stood up. Instead of answering, he silenced it and started the walk back to his parents’ house. He had to at least make an appearance before he went off for the day. He didn’t have any plans, but he never did anymore. It gave him a strange sense of anxiety, he felt like he was still lost in space. Each morning he’d wake up with a clear thought and goal, find home. Yet when his vision cleared and he saw his room he had to remind himself, this was _home._ He’d made it…

That sense of emptiness hung around him, it was at the center of his thoughts if he didn’t keep himself distracted long enough. Somehow, he felt more lost than when he was in the middle of an unknown galaxy. Then he could plot out a course, make his own maps towards home.

As he walked through Beach City he saw other people beginning to start their days. Distantly the Big Donut’s lights turned on and Lars stared at it for a moment. He smiled slightly, for a brief moment brought back to months ago when he’d worked there. Worked was a really loose term. He’d never done much, he did bare minimum. They didn’t even have a manager directly overseeing them, he could get away with a lot. And he did. Sadie was lenient, far to lenient, he got paid just for hanging out. It’d been a good time while it lasted, he wished he’d talked to Sadie more then. He spent too much time staring off into space and listening to music. The first time they’d really hung out was when they were stranded on an island together. He’d had all the time in the world then but couldn’t be bothered. Now they didn’t have any.

Lars stopped outside of his parents’ front door and stared at it for a moment. He stood in the doorway for minutes, trying to force himself to reach out. He couldn’t muster the strength, but he didn’t have to. Instead the door swung open and the anxious smile of his mother greeted him. Lars forced a smile.

“There you are! Dante, here is,” his mother said. “Welcome home dear.”

She looked older now. Her wrinkles felt more prominent, her eyes squinted more from behind her glasses, and her hair had a few gray streaks. It hadn’t been that long, he knew it hadn’t, but he guessed the stress had aged them both. Guilt coursed through him at that thought. He’d _enjoyed_ being in space, hadn’t worried about them much. He knew they’d be ok; they’d be waiting for him. Yet they worried about him, sent plenty of care packages, undoubtedly pestered Steven every chance they could. He should be more thankful to be back. 

“Thanks,” Lars muttered.

He followed her into the house and looked across it slowly. It hadn’t changed any in the months he’d been gone. The same photographs were on the wall, the hallway light still flickered, yet it felt different. He felt like he was in a fun house, looking into a warped mirror.

He glanced over as his mother walked into the kitchen. His father was sat at the table, a cup of coffee in his hands. He looked up at Lars with a tired smile. Lars slowly walked over uneasily; his father had the ‘I want to talk’ look he always got before asking Lars about grades. Lars looked around, but for the first time there wasn’t a report card to glare at. Instead there was an abandoned newspaper not far away and some empty plates. 

“Are you hungry? I can reheat the pancakes,” his mother asked.

“No, I’m not staying long,” Lars said.

Her face fell and Lars winced. He hadn’t been hanging around the house much, he’d wanted to. He wanted to stay and talk to them, he wanted to be more grateful for them, but he didn’t know how. He didn’t know how to talk to them, what to say, or how they’d react.

“Got big plans?” his father asked with a smile. “Going to meet up with your friends?”

“The off colors?” Lars asked.

He walked into the kitchen and took a glass from the cupboard. He turned on the faucet and waited for the glass to fill.

“No, no, your human friends,” his mother said. “I heard you and Sadie are getting close again.”

Lars stared at her strangely, frowning.

“Who said that?” Lars asked.

“I saw you two the other day,” she supplied. “You looked like best friends!” 

Lars rolled his eyes and turned off the faucet as the glass filled. He took a drink.

“You two should date-“

Lars coughed and took a moment to recover.

“D-date?” Lars managed. “We’re just friends.”

“Oh alright,” his mother said with a smile. “You two are cute together.”

“Okay?” Lars said uneasily.

He wasn’t sure where they were in their relationship. They’d been close friends at one point, but now… after all those months, they were different people. He was scared they wouldn’t be able to reconnect and even more scared of what would happen if they did. Would he fall back into who he used to be? The same angry teenager that was terrified of change, well terrified of everything really. He’d cowered on the ship, that was what got him in that mess. He’d been a coward. 

“I’m sorry,” his mother said. “I didn’t mean to pry.”

She always said that, and yet she always did. Always watched him closely, always asked around, always snooped through his belongings-

Lars sighed irritably. He didn’t want to be mad. He wanted to be happy, he wanted to be a good son for once in his life. Why was this so _hard?_

“Have you thought about school?” His father asked.

“School?” Lars repeated. 

His father glanced back at him before indicating Lars should take a seat. Hesitantly Lars approached the table and sat across from him. His mother sat down as well, smiling anxiously.

“What about it?” Lars asked.

He hadn’t been too school in a long time. It would start up again soon, but Lars had missed all of his finals while galivanting in space. He was behind, he’d probably have to repeat last year with his bad grades. His GPA was bad before he missed finals. They’d sat like this countless times talking about it, they’d always watch him closely with nervous smiles that were meant to look kind and reassuring. Instead it felt like they were comforting a wild animal.

“Well… you missed your finals,” his dad started slowly. “And summer school for that matter.”

“I was in space,” Lars said dully.

“We know,” his mother said instantly in a tone that felt patronizing. Lars stiffened, his eyes narrowing.

“And?” Lars asked.

There was a point here somewhere.

“Well we talked to the principal,” his dad continued.   
Lars stared at him for a moment with a frown.

“When?” Lars asked.

“Just the other day,” his mother supplied.

“You didn’t ask me?” Lars asked, already bristling.

“We just wanted to talk to the principal,” His dad said hurriedly. “See what we could do-“ Lars grimaced and his dad was quick to continue. “He said you’ll have to retake all of your prior courses, but you won’t be punished by it.”

“Punished for being kidnapped,” Lars scoffed. “Great guy, that principal…” neither of his parents laughed, instead they watched him with bated breath. “I don’t even know if I _want_ to go back.”

“What?” His father asked. “I know it’ll be hard-“

“Hard?” Lars said in disbelief. “I was bad at school before I was marooned on an alien planet.”

Still, they didn’t laugh.   
“I’ve just gotten some perspective,” Lars said tentatively. “I don’t know if school is worth it.”

“You want to drop out?” his mother whispered.

Lars winced. He didn’t like the idea of dropping out. His parents had done a good job reminding him how terrible dropping out was, that he’d be forced to work at the big donut forever… but now he had a space ship. What was the worst that could happen? Lars smiled slightly.

“Yeah, why not,” Lars said. “Not like I’m going back to work at the Big Donut.”

“Where will you get a job?” his father asked exasperatedly. “Without even a high school diploma?”

“I don’t know,” Lars admitted. “Maybe I’ll start my own bakery or something-“ his parents exchanged a nervous look. Quickly Lars continued with a humorless chuckle, “I could always go back to space.”

Again, they didn’t laugh. Instead they stared at him anxiously.

“I’m kidding,” Lars said quickly. “Just kidding.”

He scratched the back of his neck before standing up. His chair scraped against the floor, interrupting the silence that fallen over them.

“I’m going out,” Lars said. “I’ll see you later.”

He started towards the door quickly, anxious to leave.

“You’ll be back for dinner?” his mother asked.

Lars hesitated at the door and looked back at them.

“I don’t know,” Lars admitted. “Probably not.”

He didn’t need to eat anymore and he didn’t particularly want to sit through awkward silence twice. He only came by to make sure they didn’t worry, but it was getting harder and harder. His visits had already become sparse, he rarely stayed for more than an hour.

He pulled the door open and heard a sigh.

“Have a good day,” his mother said quietly.

Lars hesitated a moment, before slipping outside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm really glad people like this concept!! Lars's arc has always been one of my favorites and also very bittersweet bc we don't see the majority of it which sucks   
> i've also been doing a lot of off color research trying to remind myself of what little information we have and I've been thinking about making a fanfic on rhodonite and how her pearl and ruby met/first fused bc they seem super interesting to me. When i was reading her wiki it seemed like they actively fused multiple times and only had to run when they were discovered to enjoy it so that's neat  
> but anyway i hope you guys like this chapter! I felt like the awkward parent visit and questioning is a requirement bc I always wondered whatever happened with school since he probably missed a large portion of it

**Author's Note:**

> so I watched Little Graduation recently and it really hit on a few topics I've been thinking about since the announcement of Future but didn't flesh them out at all  
> it's always been super disappointing to me that Lars got back to Earth and that was the end of his arc, that we missed his entire transition back bc that had to be hard and man i love that him and sadie don't stay together bc it makes sense and the moment they were 'canon' i thought they'd changed to much  
> but so this is going to be my take on what happened between episodes! how lars struggled with returning, how he got his bakery, and eventually his decision to return to the stars  
> this first chapter is pretty short bc i just kinda wanted to see if anyone would be interesting in reading this if i invested more time into it  
> i hope you guys like it! let me know what you guys think c:


End file.
